Embracing Self-Care & Joy: A Guide to Navigating Grief After Losing Your Mother
Navigating the heartache of losing a mother is an intensely personal and emotional experience. Discover nurturing ways to embrace self-care and joy amidst the sorrow. This guide aims to help you find balance and healing in the wake of your profound loss. The loss of a mother is a life-altering event, for sure. It’s full of complex emotions and the need for adjustments, small and large. That’s why self-care and experiencing joy are more than a good idea. They play an essential role in your healing process and in keeping cherished memories of your mom alive.
Understanding Self-Care in Grief
Self-care during grief is a deeply personal and individual activity. Your self-care isn’t going to look like mine, and mine isn’t going to look like my friend’s. Self-care is about tuning into your unique needs and responding in ways that nurture your well-being. For some people, that might mean ensuring adequate rest since grief can be physically exhausting. Committing to a set bedtime each night or a consistent wake-up time (and sticking to it!) can provide a sense of safety and structure amidst what otherwise feels like chaos. Self-care could also mean nourishing the body with healthy foods and regular meals or finding solace in nature and in gentle physical activities like walking or yoga. Or journaling about your thoughts and feelings for 15 minutes per day. The key is to tune in to your body and heart and allow them to guide your self-care practices. No one knows what’s better for you than you do.
The Guilt-Free Pursuit of Joy
In the wake of losing your mother, you might experience feelings of guilt at the thought of enjoying life or allowing happiness into your life again. That’s very common – actually, more common than not. It’s important to understand that grief and joy can coexist and to give yourself permission to feel sparks of joy throughout the day again. Feeling happy or smiling doesn’t diminish the depth of your love or the significance of your loss. These moments are a testament to the rich, complex human experience and the resilience of the human spirit. They reflect your mother's love, warmth, and positive impact on your life. Remember, laughter can be a balm. It will feel good to let it back in. I promise.
Embracing Activities That Bring Joy
Activities that bring you joy or relaxation can be vital to your healing journey. The human body can’t stay in a Grief State 24/7. That’s way too intense for anyone to bear. Most of us swill wing back and forth between tapping into the sorrow and then coming out of it to engage in “restorative tasks” like going to work, planning a birthday party, going to the dog park -- whatever used to fill your days. Choosing a restorative activity with intention can also be helpful, like watching a favorite movie that brings back warm memories, taking a quiet walk in a place you and your mother loved, or spending designated quality playtime with friends or family. Try to identify what you need during your time off, and choose to be with people who can offer it to you. (Not everyone can, and that’s okay.) Restorative activities provide a respite from the intensity of grief, offering moments of lightness and a chance to recharge. They’re not a departure from grieving or denying it but a crucial aspect of navigating through it.
Practicing Grace and Self-Compassion
If your current work or childcare schedule doesn’t allow much time for much self-care, or if the tasks of settling an estate or ensuring basic survival needs feel overwhelming right now, you’re definitely not alone. It’s okay to shelve big self-care commitments for a later date. Be kind to yourself about this. You are where you are, and that’s all you can be. In the meantime, think of what you can do in just a few minutes each day. I tape an inspiring quote to my bathroom mirror and make sure I read it once in the morning and once at night, and sometimes, I keep a book by my bedside and read just 1-2 pages a night before going to sleep. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron is my go-to book at times like this.
Connecting with Others
Sometimes, taking care of yourself involves reaching out to others who understand your journey. Consider contacting a local grief center if your loss is recent, or – if your loss was in the past -- joining the Motherless Daughters Community, where you can share your experiences and learn from others navigating similar paths.
When you allow yourself to experience joy without guilt, each smile can be a welcome reflection of the enduring bond you shared with your mom. Your journey through grief is not just a pathway through loss but also a journey of remembering, healing, and rediscovering joy in your life.
Begin your self-care journey with Letters from Motherless Daughters, a collection of stories from women who lost mothers at every age.