Navigating Early Grief: Support and Understanding After Losing Your Mother
In the tumultuous first months and years after losing your mother, navigating grief can feel overwhelming. This blog is dedicated to those who are recently bereaved and in the early part of this journey, offering insight into what you might experience and sources of support that can hopefully provide you with some solace and understanding.
Emotional Rollercoaster After Loss
In the initial months after losing your mother, your emotions can vary dramatically. You may experience intense waves of sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief, particularly if your mother's passing followed a period of illness or suffering. It's important to remember that all these feelings are normal. Grief doesn't follow a straight path; it's more like a rollercoaster, with ups and downs that can catch you off guard.
Physical Responses to Grief
Grief can also manifest physically. You might notice changes in your sleep patterns, appetite, or energy levels. Some people experience physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches. Listen to your body during this time, get plenty of rest, and remember to stay hydrated. Sometimes, the body mimics symptoms of the disease even when there’s no physical cause. This doesn’t mean you’re developing the same disease but don't hesitate to seek medical help if needed.
Coping with Forgetfulness in Grief
It's common in early grief to feel like you're walking in a fog. You might forget appointments, lose track of time, or struggle to concentrate. This is your brain's way of coping with trauma and overload. There’s even a name for it: Grief Brain. Be gentle with yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help or take a step back from responsibilities if you can. This isn’t a good time to take on more than you can handle, even if it feels like a welcome distraction.
Finding Support in Different Forms
Support Groups: Joining a support group, such as the Motherless Daughters Community Calls, can be incredibly helpful. Sharing your experience with others who understand can be both comforting and healing.
Therapy: Talking to a therapist, especially one who specializes in grief, can provide you with strategies to regulate your emotions and cope with your loss.
Books and Resources for Bereavement: Reading books about grief can offer comfort and understanding. In addition to Motherless Daughters, I recommend Grief Is Love by Marisa Renee Lee, It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine, and Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief by Claire Bidwell Smith as resources that many have fond invaluable during this time.
Journaling Your Journey: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your grief. It helps to externalize what you are experiencing internally. For maximum benefit, write nonstop for at least 10 minutes at a time. Tracking the left-to-right motion of your hand across the page with your eyes can have a calming effect, too.
Honoring Memories of Your Mother: Creating a simple, personal ritual or a small altar in your home can be a powerful way to honor your mother's memory daily and keep her feeling close at heart.
Navigating a Social Life While Grieving
Social situations may be challenging in the early months. It’s okay to set boundaries and carefully choose which events you feel up to attending. Don't hesitate to communicate your needs to friends and family. Some of them won’t understand what you’re going through, and may try to rush you back to a state of “normalcy”. Others will be able to hold space for your process. It’s okay to temporarily limit your contact to those who can’t. Friends like this can be golden.
Self-Care in Grief: It's Okay to Feel Joy
Self-care means different things for different people - it could be ensuring you get enough rest, eating nourishing foods, or engaging in gentle exercise. It's also okay to do things that bring you joy or relaxation in short bursts (and long ones, too!) I’m a fan of looking for micro joys in every day. That’s about finding small sparks of pleasure in something you can see, hear, taste, touch, or smell at any moment. Look around your space right now and choose something your eyes like to rest on. Even small things can be a micro joy when we train ourselves to think that way.
The Evolving Nature of Grief
As time passes, the intensity of your grief will likely change. You may find new ways to connect with your mother's memory and integrate the loss into your life. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to grieve, and you don’t need to adhere to any timeline. Your process is uniquely your own.
The loss of a mother is a profound life event, and the journey through grief is a deeply personal one. In these early months, be patient with yourself and open to finding support in various forms. You are not alone in this journey. Support is available to help guide you through this challenging time.
Learn more about the Motherless Daughters Community Calls for Recent Loss, a supportive space for those who've recently lost their mothers.