The first holiday season without my mom was a confusing, disorienting time. I remember wondering, How are we going to continue traditions that had been under her purview? How will I even know how to do that without her guidance?  I often think of a scene from Susan Minot’s novel Monkeys, about a group of siblings who’ve recently lost their mother in a car accident. As they decorate their house for the holidays they try to arrange everything as their mother always did. “Everything was the … [Read more...]

Dear Friends, Thanksgiving will soon be upon us, as tends to happen every November. I don't know about you, but this is always a mixed time of year for me. It's a culturally sanctioned period of connection and good cheer, but how many people always experience it that way? Not everyone, that's for sure. 38 percent of people surveyed by the American Psychological Association reported feeling higher levels of stress than usual around holiday time. Most people I know find this time of year … [Read more...]

I was so moved by Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert's interview on August 15, and their candid talk about childhood grief, I wrote an op-ed piece about it. The link to read it on the NYT web site is here. I've also cut and pasted it below. Please feel free to share with others! Opinion I Couldn’t Say ‘My Mother’ Without Crying Losing a family member at a young age has lasting impacts, well into adulthood. There’s no quick fix for childhood grief. By Hope Edelman Ms. … [Read more...]

May 11, 2019   Dear Motherless Daughter, Here we find ourselves again, on the brink of another second Sunday in May. It's easier in some years than in others, isn't it?  For many years after my mother died, this Sunday was all about missing her on a day that seemed culturally sanctioned to remind girls like me of what we no longer had. Later, it became a day to spend with my daughters and celebrate our bond. Now it's also  the day that caps off a month of Motherless Daughters … [Read more...]

Mother’s Day can be a bittersweet holiday for those of us who’ve lost our moms. It’s an occasion to remember the bond we shared, but can also be a painful annual reminder of what’s been lost. Between us and together, Claire Bidwell Smith and I have helped thousands of women explore the long-term effects of mother loss and face recurring events. Our free, one-hour video call on May 6th is open to anyone who’s facing Mother’s Day without a mother and would like support and community as the … [Read more...]

Sending warm Easter and Passover holiday wishes to everyone who celebrates. May it be a peaceful and joyous season for everyone! One of my warmest childhood memories is of helping my mother change over the dishes for Passover every year. My parents' marriage was a perfect union of the observant (my mother) and the secular (my father). My mother was devoted to tradition and religious guidelines. My father maintained a calm but distant skepticism about it all. So the children became her … [Read more...]

For the first dozen or so years after my mom died, Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death, and her birthday were all days that made me want to hide. I thought something must be wrong with me if it still hurt so much a decade later and beyond. And planning a wedding and become a mother -- oh boy, those were big ones. Only after I learned more about anniversary events and recurrent grief did I understand how this process works. Now I'm eager to share what I've learned, to help others who … [Read more...]

Arriving in a distant city, sitting in a circle of strangers, and unpacking emotions that may have been tucked away long ago can feel very apprehensive, we know. But at a Motherless Daughters Retreat, you’ll find that words flow freely, and community forms quickly. Our motto is, “We arrive as familiar strangers; we leave as sisters.” It’s quite an experience to sit in a room full of women who understand many of your innermost goals and fears. Where saying, “I’m nervous about turning the age my … [Read more...]

Dear Friends, As I write this letter to you today, I'm sitting at a desk in Scotts Valley, California, on the campus of a serene retreat center surrounded by redwoods. Eight women have gathered here to write the stories of their lives, several of them about early mother loss. It's brave, hard work, excavating and revisiting the past. Outside my living room window, a single redwood tree stands tall, and every morning when I walk outside I think of the epilogue of Motherless Daughters, when a … [Read more...]