May 11, 2019   Dear Motherless Daughter, Here we find ourselves again, on the brink of another second Sunday in May. It's easier in some years than in others, isn't it?  For many years after my mother died, this Sunday was all about missing her on a day that seemed culturally sanctioned to remind girls like me of what we no longer had. Later, it became a day to spend with my daughters and celebrate our bond. Now it's also  the day that caps off a month of Motherless Daughters … [Read more...]

Mother’s Day can be a bittersweet holiday for those of us who’ve lost our moms. It’s an occasion to remember the bond we shared, but can also be a painful annual reminder of what’s been lost. Between us and together, Claire Bidwell Smith and I have helped thousands of women explore the long-term effects of mother loss and face recurring events. Our free, one-hour video call on May 6th is open to anyone who’s facing Mother’s Day without a mother and would like support and community as the … [Read more...]

Sending warm Easter and Passover holiday wishes to everyone who celebrates. May it be a peaceful and joyous season for everyone! One of my warmest childhood memories is of helping my mother change over the dishes for Passover every year. My parents' marriage was a perfect union of the observant (my mother) and the secular (my father). My mother was devoted to tradition and religious guidelines. My father maintained a calm but distant skepticism about it all. So the children became her … [Read more...]

For the first dozen or so years after my mom died, Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death, and her birthday were all days that made me want to hide. I thought something must be wrong with me if it still hurt so much a decade later and beyond. And planning a wedding and become a mother -- oh boy, those were big ones. Only after I learned more about anniversary events and recurrent grief did I understand how this process works. Now I'm eager to share what I've learned, to help others who … [Read more...]

Arriving in a distant city, sitting in a circle of strangers, and unpacking emotions that may have been tucked away long ago can feel very apprehensive, we know. But at a Motherless Daughters Retreat, you’ll find that words flow freely, and community forms quickly. Our motto is, “We arrive as familiar strangers; we leave as sisters.” It’s quite an experience to sit in a room full of women who understand many of your innermost goals and fears. Where saying, “I’m nervous about turning the age my … [Read more...]

Dear Friends, As I write this letter to you today, I'm sitting at a desk in Scotts Valley, California, on the campus of a serene retreat center surrounded by redwoods. Eight women have gathered here to write the stories of their lives, several of them about early mother loss. It's brave, hard work, excavating and revisiting the past. Outside my living room window, a single redwood tree stands tall, and every morning when I walk outside I think of the epilogue of Motherless Daughters, when a … [Read more...]

The year after a major loss is invariably a Year of Firsts. All of the usual dates and holidays keep coming around on the calendar -- except this year they’ve all changed. Someone essential is missing. Facing a first birthday, first Mother’s Day, first anniversary, first Thanksgiving and Christmas without that person can feel all kinds of wrong. Sometimes it sucks up all the mental energy we can gather, just to make it through this Year of Firsts. It can feel like we’re living in an alternate … [Read more...]

Fifty eight families (and counting) are mourning the senseless deaths of their loved ones today. More than 500 are injured. And up to 20,000 could be struggling for a long time from the trauma of having been part of the most deadly mass shooting in U.S. history. That's all kinds of messed up, America. If you follow me online, or know me in person, you probably know my position on gun ownership. I don't believe that weapons designed for the sole purpose of killing other humans have any … [Read more...]

Twenty five years ago, 92 women were interviewed for the first edition of Motherless Daughters and shared their stories with honesty and courage, some of them speaking about mother loss for the first time. While working on my next book -- my eighth, this one about the lifelong effects of early loss -- I've found that very few studies exist about grief over the lifespan. Hardly any at all. That's probably because it's hard to keep track of people for that long, and also because a long-term … [Read more...]