For the first dozen or so years after my mom died, Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death, and her birthday were all days that made me want to hide. I thought something must be wrong with me if it still hurt so much a decade later and beyond. And planning a wedding and become a mother -- oh boy, those were big ones. Only after I learned more about anniversary events and recurrent grief did I understand how this process works. Now I'm eager to share what I've learned, to help others who … [Read more...]
The Official Site
Is A Motherless Daughters Retreat For Me?
Arriving in a distant city, sitting in a circle of strangers, and unpacking emotions that may have been tucked away long ago can feel very apprehensive, we know. But at a Motherless Daughters Retreat, you’ll find that words flow freely, and community forms quickly. Our motto is, “We arrive as familiar strangers; we leave as sisters.” It’s quite an experience to sit in a room full of women who understand many of your innermost goals and fears. Where saying, “I’m nervous about turning the age my … [Read more...]
An Open Letter to Motherless Daughters for Mother’s Day
Dear Friends, As I write this letter to you today, I'm sitting at a desk in Scotts Valley, California, on the campus of a serene retreat center surrounded by redwoods. Eight women have gathered here to write the stories of their lives, several of them about early mother loss. It's brave, hard work, excavating and revisiting the past. Outside my living room window, a single redwood tree stands tall, and every morning when I walk outside I think of the epilogue of Motherless Daughters, when a … [Read more...]
A Place for Motherless Daughters on Mother’s Day weekend
May 2, 2018 Dear Friends, As Mother's Day approaches each year, the country's attention collectively turns toward celebrating mothers who are living. Yet for many of us, thoughts also naturally turn to mothers who are no longer here. For motherless daughters (and sons, too), it's very natural to experience a resurgence of grief, even many years after a loss, as we remember the mom we celebrated with in the past and wish were here on this day. Even as some of us spend Mother's Day with … [Read more...]
Getting Through the Holidays When Someone You Love Has Died
The year after a major loss is invariably a Year of Firsts. All of the usual dates and holidays keep coming around on the calendar -- except this year they’ve all changed. Someone essential is missing. Facing a first birthday, first Mother’s Day, first anniversary, first Thanksgiving and Christmas without that person can feel all kinds of wrong. Sometimes it sucks up all the mental energy we can gather, just to make it through this Year of Firsts. It can feel like we’re living in an alternate … [Read more...]
Hearts Breaking for You, Las Vegas
Fifty eight families (and counting) are mourning the senseless deaths of their loved ones today. More than 500 are injured. And up to 20,000 could be struggling for a long time from the trauma of having been part of the most deadly mass shooting in U.S. history. That's all kinds of messed up, America. If you follow me online, or know me in person, you probably know my position on gun ownership. I don't believe that weapons designed for the sole purpose of killing other humans have any … [Read more...]
Please Help Me Find the Original Motherless Daughters
Twenty five years ago, 92 women were interviewed for the first edition of Motherless Daughters and shared their stories with honesty and courage, some of them speaking about mother loss for the first time. While working on my next book -- my eighth, this one about the lifelong effects of early loss -- I've found that very few studies exist about grief over the lifespan. Hardly any at all. That's probably because it's hard to keep track of people for that long, and also because a long-term … [Read more...]
Father’s Day When Your Father Has Died
Journalist and author Allison Gilbert has become a prominent voice in the field of bereavement writing, helping readers actively remember and honor their lost loved ones. Having lost both of her parents by age 31, she went on to write the insightful books Always Too Soon: Voices of Support for Those Who Have Lost Both Parents and Parentless Parents: How the Loss of Our Mothers and Fathers Impacts the Way We Raise Our Children. Her newest book, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved … [Read more...]
An Open Letter to Motherless Daughters on Mother’s Day
Dear Readers, Dear Friends, Dear Sisters of the Heart, It’s a sunny afternoon in Southern California, the Friday before Mother’s Day. I’m sitting at my kitchen table while the palm trees on my driveway gently sway in the breeze and the distant sound of a weed-whacker drones, cutting brush in advance of fire season in our canyon. Sunrise, fire season, Mother’s Day: just a few of the many events I can, blessedly, count on with regularity. This will be my 36th Mother’s Day without my … [Read more...]
Motherless Daughters Have a Place on Mother’s Day Weekend
Mother's Day was started by a motherless daughter in the early 20th century, yet soon became a holiday for celebrating the day with mothers who are living. So what's a daughter to do when she wants to revive the founder's original intent -- to honor a mother who has died? Twenty one years ago, in New York City, a group of women decided to create a luncheon for motherless daughters, to give them a place to talk about their mothers and say their names out loud. A handful of other cities held … [Read more...]